


Lady of the Lake

by DinoGlitter



Series: The life and times of Noel and Xanxus [10]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Expensive things, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mentions of Harry Hart - Freeform, Mentions of xanxus, Oc is spoiled, Recruits fear for their lives, oc is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 06:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinoGlitter/pseuds/DinoGlitter
Summary: Ever wonder who designed all the awesome gear the agents use at Kingsman?  Well the recruits will probably regret that question ever popping into their heads.





	Lady of the Lake

Merlin sighed in exasperation as his shorter companion beamed up at him.  He knew that the smaller man was going to scar one of the candidates for life.

 

“You should really come over to see our new renovations. Harry has already visited and really liked how Xanxus redid the kitchen.”  Noel smiled.  

 

“I'm sure he has lad.”  Merlin grimaced.

 

“He especially loved the hidden gun compartments we installed in the white Bianco Carrara marble counter tops.”  Noel gushed.

 

 Merlin just knew that the newly wed couple had shelled out well over half a million on their gigantic kitchen alone.  They were the type to not even bat an eye when it came to living in comfort and luxury.  He also knew, because he saw the invoice for $25,000, that Xanxus would pay any amount of money to have Noel walk around Kingsman headquarters with a giant diamond engagement ring shaped like a bloomin chrysanthemum. It was the most over the top way to stake claim to someone and Merlin didn't want to touch that with a 10 foot pole.  He had only ever called them out on their excessive buying once.  It earned him a week's worth of target kills covered in glitter.  The clean up teams were not amused.

 

 Noel had just started describing their new spa grade bathtub when the new recruits arrived before them with their puppies.  Merlin cleared his throat causing Noel to school his features to a bored stare.

 

“Everyone allow me to introduce you to The Lady of the Lake.” Merlin announced stepping aside to allow the willowy man with dyed teal hair to come forward.  His face was soft in appearance as he gazed at the applicants in boredom.   

 He made quite the sight for the younger candidates before him. His hair hung freely around him cascading down his back in thick waves. The standard Kingsman glasses perched on his nose were a bright canary yellow as opposed to the standard black. A matching blazer was thrown on over what appeared to be a well worn slate gray t-shirt with a cartoon mermaid printed on the front. A fitted pair of tailored black cuffed slacks revealed a glittery scale pattern that decorated the inside of the pants. On his feet were a pair of cute off-white trainers with suspicious red stains decorating the toe of each. All in all he didn't make for a very intimidating sight at first glance.  If you paid close enough attention you would see several knives were strapped to various parts of his body hidden by clothes and hair but revealed if you paid enough attention when he moved. Other than his ring the only jewelry he wore was a locket around his neck that just so happened to contain several tiny syringes filled with snake venom. It was a gift just like every other weapon on his person. He was very armed and extremely dangerous.

 

“Hello kingsman candidates, I am pleased to see such a young crop of hopefuls with us this time around.”  He said with his heavy french accent reading from a slip of paper he had pulled from his back pocket.  “I am The Lady of the Lake your weapon and gear manufacturer,  Every suit, shoe, and tool used by our agents currently are designed by me.”  

 

“How does a Frenchman end up creating weapons for the British?”  A man snorted cockily.

 

“I don't know Mr.Hesketh, how did your maman take  giving birth to a pile of horse shit?”  The Lady replied with an irritated snort.

 

 The surrounding candidates snickered at the retort.  Eggsy grinned at the sassy Frenchman as he waited for the rest of the introductions to be made.

 

“All of your gear from here on out shall come from me.”  The Lady started.  “If you break something you pay,  If you lose something you pay, and if you decide to take anything extra from the equipment hall other than what you were instructed to take….”

 

“Let me guess,  We'll pay.”  Charlie laughed.

 

 The Lady turned to him with a cold stare.  He walked forward slowly until he was only a few feet away from the smart mouth candidate.

 

“No, I'm going to send Morgan Le Fay after you to extract you spinal cord from your living body; and I'll sit there with my copy of French Vouge and a very large glass of imported Sauvignon Blanc and I Will laugh my little French ass off while you scream bloody fucking murder.” The Lady stated calmly to his face.  “Now, do you still want to take equipment without permission Hesketh?”

 

“No,sir.” Charlie answered nervously.

 

“Good.”  The Lady smirked turning his back on the younger man.  “Now I'm sure you're ready to get on with the rest of your tasks but we must go over proper check out protocols.”

 

 The Frenchman tapped of few times at his small tablet screen before reading out a very long and no less threatening list of rules implied to the equipment room.  Merlin had managed to sneak out three rules into the shorter man's list. It was over an hour before he finally voiced the very last thing on the list.

 

“And finally we come to the very last rule; do not, and I must repeat myself because I cannot repeat myself enough on this matter, do not fucking alter a single thing about the equipment. No paint, no Glitter, no charms, no electronic enhancements. Do not fuck with my design. Do you understand?”

 

No one answered him.

 

“ I said do you fucking understand me?”  The Lady grit it out with a harsh glare in his eyes.

 

“Yessir.”  The candidates called out in unison.

 

“Good, now I'm sure Merlin has something for you to do so why don't you take your little pups and get the hell out of here, I have things to do that are far more important than dealing with you. Dismissed.”

  
 The candidates could not have rushed out quick enough.

**Author's Note:**

> [ glitteryreptiles < /a> Come hang out on Tumblr!](https://glitteryreptiles.tumblr.com/)


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